May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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