I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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