I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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