her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize