also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
pray to the hookup gods
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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