Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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