Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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