If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize