I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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