Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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