so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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