dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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