The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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