I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize