i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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