so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize