You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm at about main and main street
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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