dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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