im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize