how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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