I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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