so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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