You smell like stripper and shame
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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