If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize