is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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