So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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