I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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