So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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