lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize