i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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