If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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