I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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