If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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