I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize