My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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