does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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