i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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