lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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