Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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