When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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