Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize