He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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