I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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