I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize