By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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