Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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