Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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