I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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