the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize