Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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