I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize