You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As shirtless as possible
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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