Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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