I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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