If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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